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Greeting Death

March 5, 2015

Lately, I’ve been in a really weird mood. I had fun with friends in college, had fun with old friends, even attended my best friend’s wedding. No reason to be unhappy, but all those things are really drained me out. I’m tired. No doubt about that. Late night sleep, late night driving, late night chat, all of them are consuming my sleeping time. When I don’t have enough sleep, I become cranky, and weird. When my mood is weird, I tend to think deeply about something. Yes, when I’m on this mood, I heard news about how one of my old lecturer passed away. I was surprised. That fast ? even worse when I read the other lecturer’s facebook pages. It was painful. He seems to be a very nice guy. I never got taught by him, but whenever we bump in the campus corridor, he’s always smiling. Enough for me to judge that he was a good person. Rest in peace, Sir.

So then, driving alone, in the middle of the night, accompanied by instrumental music by Mars Volta, enough for me to think deeply about death. Death. Everyone will eventually meet it someday. So many circumstances that might lead into it, heart attack, car accident, terrorist attack, USA Airstrike, drowning, eaten by sharks, fall into a cliff, suicide, got murdered, work related accident, Karoshi, got shot on stage, drug overdose, doomsday, etc. Nobody can evade it.

I’m not gonna ask about where will our soul go when we died ? (or it might not go everywhere, human body is soulless, it’s just a biological system) But rather what will happened to the surrounding when we died. Will people get sad ? How many people cries at our funeral ? How many will regret our death ? How many people got depressed ? How many people will talks about me in past tense ? Or are there people who are happy when we died ? We might never know. We’ll be gone anyway when the time comes.

Now, about death and family. It’s not about Batman and Robin’s death in a family, but it is about what happened when one dies and left the family. To honest, I’ve discussed this matter a few times with some of my closest friends. Death is one of the reason to not start a family. When we die alone, we will die alone. No one but our friends will get sad. After we died, no one will get hysterical about our heritage, or about us. Well, maybe some friends will, but they’ll move on, they’ll find another friends. Not with family. You’ll never find another father or mother or brother when they passed away.

Is dying alone sad ? well, some said it is. Human should never die alone. But come on, think about it. Who said that ? Dying alone might not be that sad. Because there’s nothing to left. We will just gone. Poof. Like a magician’s rabbit. Disappeared into a thin air. Why does death feel painful ? It is because we will never be able to meet that person anymore. Gone forever. When a social bonds created, human are getting attached into one another. When one of them cut the bond (by death), the other one lost their attachment. I think it is what makes others death so painful. More than just losing source of money, but also losing source of ideas. Well, I don’t what to say anymore.

Seriously, this is just a random blogpost. I am not suicidal. Why should I ? I still enjoy my life. So many things still had to be done. No reason to leave early. It is just, I’m just exhausted, my mind is floating somewhere, and it greets death in its own way.

Death will always be a mystery. Because no one can ever be back from the death and tells you what it feels like. Who knows that each one’s death have a different taste ? We will never know.

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