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Si keparat melarat yang lupa bayar hutang pada si bangsat

Istri malang yang tak pernah disayang, suami lari dengan seseorang

Hujan yang turun, bak berak yang tak diejan


Imajiku menari-nari di sudut Jakarta

Om yang berbelanja untuk si manja yang bermuram durja

Adik yang menangis, ditinggal bapak mati yang mengais-ngais

Akal yang nanar tak henti berputar


Matahari lari meninggalkan hari

Si keparat bawa pisau, si bangsat mati terpukau

Istri malang tak perlu disayang, jiwanya sudah melayang

Hujan yang tak turun, kering datang menyamun


Imajiku mati di sudut Jakarta

Si manja berduka, Om sudah merenggut si dara

Adik  nyaris mati disiksa rindu berwindu-windu

Akal yang nanar berhenti berputar


Aku yang di sini, merangkai cerita semanis madu.

Manis. Tanpa racun. Tanpa susu, telur, atau jahe.


Yang di televisi berteriak;

Jangan lupa sama suara saya,

Jangan lupa sama uang saya,

Saya tidak lupa muka bapak,


Dijawab dengan teriakan semu;

Diam saja kau di sudut Jakarta.

Suatu hari, kau mati jadi cerita.


I’m Engaged !

IMG_1011The title says it all. I’m now engaged. Like I said on my post 2 weeks ago. How do I feel ? Amazing. Having a gold ring on the ring finger simply justify the name of that finger between the middle finger and the pinky finger. My ring finger finally completed it’s status as a ring finger, as it is now ringed. There are so many fascinating facts about rings. The blue ringed octopus is one of the deadliest sea creature, Sonic the Hedgehog can’t live without his rings, Mandarin (Iron man’s nemesis) have 10 rings that made him more powerful than the most powerful man in the world (Tony Stark). That’s how awesome rings are. But on my case, it stands for a better purpose, a better symbol: love and commitment.

Love. Loving is one of the most basic human trait. In loving, you show affection to one thing (or someone), showing that you care about that thing (or someone), treasure it (him/her), make it (him/her) matter. Loving is easy. It is easy to show affection to something(one) you love as simple as saying I love you, it is easy to care about something(one) simply do your best for it (him/her). Simple right ? Well, for some, yes. But for the others, it is not that simple. Loving can be hard. It is hard to love but not be loved. Maybe, one of the hardest thing in the world. Maybe you can say that true love doesn’t mean to have, but seriously, it is hard to live in a constant pain like that. Sometimes losing a battle (loving something/one) is a way to win a war (live a great life).

Commitment. Many people afraid of commitment, and many people made that as a reason of not getting engaged or married (although basically, when someone decided to get engaged, it will (and should) soon become marriage. Engagement is a process that glorifies commitment. Why does commitment should be glorified ? Because it is not something simple. It is complicated. You pick one person, and you commit to spend your life with that one person for your entire life, in your ups and your downs, in your smiles and your frowns. That one person, is going to the one and only person you share everything with. For many people, it is not that simple.

I met my fiance around 2 years ago, in my master’s degree program. She said that I was a jerk back then. I’m a condescending asshole who loves to wear football jersey and doesn’t care about anything(one) around him. Well, I do admit that. The reason ? I hate meeting new people. I hate faking a smile just to get one’s attention. I rarely smile, but I love to laugh. Deep down in my heart, I always feel that I’m a weirdo. I have this kind of mindset that can’t simply go along with most people. For example, I don’t socialize pretty much in the campus, I come, get in class, then I go home. Why is that ? It’s for these logical reason:

  1. I have more time to do my assignments. I don’t really like studying, but writing anything about Japan is fun, and I’m kinda curious what does it feels like to get a high GPA.
  2. I can eat at home. Home cooking is way better than any other cooking. It’s clean, tasty, you get to eat anything you want.
  3. Video games. Because video games.
  4. Power nap. Well, one of the best thing in the world isn’t it ?

At the time, I feel that my fiance (and one other classmate) are the only one that can catch up with my academic thinking style. So if there is a group work, I definitely pick her as my partner. But that is not the only reason that I always pick her as my partner, the other reason is simply because she’s a nice person and it is a great pleasure to talk with her. Finally, we became a very good friend, at the time, I really love her as a friend.

Then, we have our ups and downs together, share it, and we became closer. Until one day, she offers me her companion to eat together, just the two of us, on Sunday. I almost reject that offer, since I really want to write about something, but my gut says not to, rather than writing that something, it is better for me to talk to someone new as a close friend. So, I accept that offer, and we went to our first (unofficial) date. We talked a lot. Shared a lot. She’s surprised when she knows that I am not a bright student on my undergraduate study. At that time, I’m starting to have feelings for her, and finally that feelings blossomed to love when I take that she understands my loneliness. That is the first time ever someone understand that. And boom, I. LOVE. HER.

Not long after that, I confessed to her. She didn’t say yes. She just got out of a bad relationship, and still needs some times to “breath.” That means, she didn’t say no either. Thus, begin the waiting. The waiting wasn’t short. In that waiting time, you can finish a semester in a University. Hahahah (sorry Mbakkkkkk I just can’t help but to write this one). But really, I never think that waiting is bad. I mean, if she gets me waiting, but then disappearing, but then come again, it’s evil. She never do that. She’s just becoming more and more open to me during those time, and I’m perfectly fine to wait in that kind of condition. It simply proves two things: my commitment, and her commitment.

Of course I show my commitment by keeping her close, and she keeps her commitment by opening up to me. In the end, the commitment was sealed by a “yes, I want to try to get into a relationship with you, we don’t know if we don’t try, right ?” Well, those long waiting period was a trial for me, the trial of “if we don’t try”, those waiting times are my “tries.” It doesn’t always go smoothly, but, one or two silly mistake won’t change how I feel about her, I mean, come on. Maybe there are some people who call her cruel for letting me wait that long, but to be honest, that waiting means so much to me, and to us. We got tested by that, and that is good, up to the point after she says yes, I’m pretty sure that our relationship will go into a very serious direction (and I feel that she is sharing the same feeling). In those waiting time, love grows bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

After that wait, we went as a couple for some months. Many people will say that it is short. But I never think so, including those waiting times, we’ve been toghether long enough to know each other well.

Why do we decided to get engaged ? Well, we’ve known each other so much, we’ve known each other family, and we sure that we can and we WANT to live our life together, forever. We want to love and commit each other with this engagement. So then we’re engaged. Why not getting married ? Trust us, we DO want to get married ASAP, but you can’t always get what you want. Marriage is not that simple. We need to fortify our lives first, and then we can get married.

In the end, when you find a true love, it is easy to love and commit that love to that one person. People represents love with heart. We only have one heart. To be able to love fully with that one heart is a gift. You don’t have to share that heart with anyone else. You just simply need to commit your heart to that one person. For me, that one person is Fatia Nurizky. Everyday I woke up, I thank God that I’m still alive, then look at the ring on my finger, and again, saying thank to God that I am able to fall in love again with her. It is God given present to be able to wake up and fall in love with the same person, over, and over, and over, and forever.